Yes, for me it's a dangerous cycle. I never stop the cycle when I should. I never reach out for help when it starts, and I always end up in a bad place.
The "self will" takes over. It's not a sudden instantaneous change, but something gradual that I don't notice.
Much like the actor in the Big Book, the things I try to control often fall apart, leaving me disappointed and angry. (Sometimes hurting other people in the process, sometimes only hurting myself.)
I find myself struggling against everything and everyone to the point of exhaustion. But I am STILL trying to control things.
At that point, I am thoroughly convinced that "I'm right" and "the world is wrong". I'm not willing to ask for help. The world needs help. Situations need to change, not me.
Forget about the daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. I'm convinced that the blame is with the world, not with me. I struggle against the world, angry and frustrated that I can't control what I desperately NEED to control.
And as I bury myself deeper and hit enough immovable objects, I come to acknowledge the fact that PERHAPS I have no control over the situation I am trying to change. God forbid I should have to accept the world the way it is -- I'm too special and important for that! These things are supposed to bend at my whim!
At the same time, I'm so exhausted and miserable, I just want the discomfort to go away. But I'm still not willing to ask for help -- because again, I'm right and I know what's best for everyone.
It's all or nothing. If I can't have the situation the way I want it, then I NEED to escape. The idea of drinking floods in. Any escape, even a temporary one, seems desperately essential. I'm eyeballing the liquor store like it holds some kind of miracle cure. I still don't want to be "helped". If I can't control the situation, then I will control the pain.
I try to recall the misery of my drinking days. I try to remember the jumping off point. I vaguely remember the hopeless feeling, being unable to stop drinking, but also unable to continue drinking. What a horrible stalemate that was! I think of all the things I would lose if I start drinking again. I think of all the people I would hurt.
I don't want to hurt anybody -- I just want the pain to go away RIGHT NOW.
At some point, I will finally give up control and ask for help. The "dry drunk" might as well have been a real liquor bender. The demoralization feels the same. The damage done is the same. I put no alcohol in my body but my soul is gone.
So, no, I don't do the "control" thing very well at all. Apparently I don't do the program very well at all either.
(Big Book references from 1st Edition of the Big Book)