just a brief thing...yep...I want control...or at least the illusion of it...in fact like many my job required it of me.
I've had the mantra of life isn't about being safe for many years, but I suspect I haven't lived up to that for many years now...I appear a risk taker from the outside, but in reality...i hold back from the important risks.
For me acknowledging my lack of control means taking action without an understanding of the result..thus out of control.
Despite it being a decision made only 2 weeks sober, and followed by a drunk...I think my decision to quit my job was a "right" decision and something I had avoided...because I would not be in control of what happened to me afterward.
within AA..well...I've always tried to control not only what my homegroup does, but how all AA in my town is done....haven't been terribly sucessful at doing much more then cause disharmony and discontent :rotfxko
Right now...well i'm too early on a renewed journy to have any idea what i will do if I start to feel discontented with AA again....