We love you, myawakening!
I think if I had the tools I have learned from both sooner...I might not have left my marriage. I might have had the coping skills to stay.
My own experience has been that all the tools in the world can't change someone. All you could have hoped for was to tread water....detaching so you could tolerate sticking around and living life on someone else's terms (as you so wisely put it)
You deserve so much more out of life. And I'm so proud of what you've done for yourself.