Your post speaks so much about the truth of this addiction. We are a slave to it until we make the decision not to be. I do love being free from trying to control the amount to drink each evening and whether I will or not. I always started the day strong with willpower, but come 2 pm I was planning my evening of drinking.
Welcome to SR and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. If you don't have any sober people around you might want to look for a recovery group nearby. Just so you have options, but it is totally up to you. Glad to "see" you here!!