thanks for the encouraging comments everyone. it's surprising how much it helped just to open up about how I was feeling last night re: the urge to drink.
"It always takes us where we don't expect to go, and creates chaos in our lives. The cool, comfortable buzz - the glow, as you put it - is not coming back for us. We've passed the point of no return with this thing, or we wouldn't be here."
Hevyn, what you wrote definitely rang a bell with my own situation. Your right about the point of no return. Normal drinking will never be an option for me. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks. Believe it or not, today seems easier, although I know this is far from over; however, I suppose I'll just focus on now.