Welcome Stealthealer
Well, I had a rough day--guess it's the price I pay for going out last night and having fun. Straight forgot that today was the day court classes start back up... and missed the first one, so there'll be more money to pay and time to spend getting my license back.
Drove out of here in a hurry with no wallet and come back with no gas... and nobody to call who could help me. I hate being alone in this state... although I know the AA people to call up for some things, namely, "how are you today?", I can't ask them to come get me from 40 miles away.
Anna, does this alcoholic voice go away? It's been killing me all day. I mean, I know things don't get automatically better, but it seems like things are right back where they always were--punished for enjoying myself, and can't keep track of my life. And rewarded for being crazy enough to actually drive a car about as illegally as possible and not only make the second class, but get home in time to grab some money and get to the gas station... in other words, what could have been a jail sentence, the loss of a perfectly fine vehicle, a ridiculous fine, and the inability to leave the state for an even longer period of time turned into... "I did good, and everything worked out."
And I was shaking (not used to doing crazy stuff anymore) and wanted a drink to calm my nerves, but it's all better now.
This has been a worse rollercoaster than all the other little sober periods I have had lately. Among other things, I finally have people to hang out with--and for some reason, I've put that ahead of everything common sense ought to tell me.
But I can't go back to existing all calm and careful and alone again, I just can't--one taste of "living" and I don't wanna stop.
Yeah, did I mention, I was an alcoholic?
Take care y'all,
TB, 'bout 19 days in I think