Karrie
you have received alot of good advice here and I know it all feels like to much to take in
One thing you mentioned and I wanted to address is ....
feel that he may never stop. If I stand by and do nothing, but take care of me.
Isn't there something that gives every addict a reason to want to stop or at least that gets them thinking about trying to stop or that gets them to even think about wether they have a prob. or not?
yes there is somethig we can do and thats not to sit back and watch it happen and do nothing
what you can do is start with beginning to look at you, your life and what you want for you and your child
determine what you will and will not accept
set your boundaries -- what you are willing to do to enforce those boundaries
you tell him and you allow him to make his own decisions
BUT its really important to say what you mean and stick to it...........if you say one more time and your out......then you dont stick to it he "learns" that you will continue to tolerate the addiction and there is no reason for him to stop, why stop he has his home you his child food a warm bed and someone to bail him out of jail.........these are the ways we enable the addiction we cant make them stop but we can make it to easy for them to continue to use, but we can also make the changes in our lives based on what we are willing to tolerate thats where boundaries come in.
for each of us our boundaries are different--and for me they have changed alot over time, some of us may not be ready or willing to ask the addict in their life to leave so they dont set that boundary.........some ask them to leave each person has their own path-- its your life that is involved not just his
you have choices but what i think everyone is trying to express to you is that your choices even though they "could" provoke him to get into treatment and maybe get clean
getting and staying clean will be up to him.........you cant make him want it and you can't fix this for him.
its really about what you want in your life, not what you want for him or for his life
you can only change you, you cant change him he must do that but you dont have to sit back and watch it happen, and you dont have to enable him...........
enabling and "helping" or being supportive can be really confusing for those of us who love an addict............
It is my opinion that if you decide that you want him to complete detox and follow that up with a program of recovery and you make that a boundary that is certainly an option
............the tricky part is where you have to determine if your doing it for him or for you.
Boundaries are used to make your life better ---in a perfect world putting our foot down and making consequences and demands, or watching and drug testing would make them stop but sadly nothing we can do will make them stop that decision is up to them.
Stick around read the sticky posts learn all that you can about addiction and families
alanon and family groups are helpful.
You aren't alone theres alot of support here.