Hi 4myfather--
Welcome.
I read your post and I thought "wow your mother needs help too!" What a mess, but quite typical within the realm of alcoholic behavior.
Alcoholism is called a family disease and your post really illustrates that.
"Help" however when it comes to addiction is a slippery slope. I had to learn to accept my brothers' rights to live how they choose to live, no matter how ugly, strange, low, sick, and insane their life appeared to me.
I had to make protecting myself and my mental health the number one priority. AlAnon helped me with this (it's free and specific for the F&F of alcoholics).
I learned that I could pretty much offer my brothers the number to AA and offer them a ride to a meeting, or to detox, but I could not force them to admit they have a problem or to quit drinking. I used to try telling them how what they were doing was hurting me - this just pissed them off and started fights and left me feeling so low down because I thought, mistakenly, that my love & my pain would be enough to make them "wake-up!" Nope. Nothing gets in the way of their drinking until they decide for themselves that they want to change and they reach out and ask for & accept help from people who can actually help them (not me!!).
As dismal as you must feel when you look at your parents lives there is hope - for you! Can you check out AlAnon? Maybe suggest it to mom? That made the biggest difference for me.
peace-
b