i wondered how you were doing..
reading through that reminded me of the slow downward spiral of my drinking history.
losing loved ones.......ending up at parents.....and then the street.
london....southampton....weymouth.......wandering around drinking and dying.
my problems seemed impossible to solve...i gotta get a place.....i gotta get a job.......i gotta eat right.....on and on and on.
at times i even thought i gotta get this drinking under control....lol.
alcohol distorted my perception to such an extent that i really thought it was a minor detail compared to the sh..t i was in.
id stop drinking if only i could get a break......i had lots of breaks but continued to drink.
there was no control........id lost the ability to see the truth.
the elephant i couldnt see was ALCOHOL.........every situation or scrape i was in was because of alcohol......
i managed to stop a few times but always returned to it......the awful history became a distant memory and i drank.
i was powerless........being led by the nose by booze..
no matter what i decided........booze always had the final word.
until i walk into aa nine years ago with an honest desire to quit.....for good.
id pis..ed around with aa for a while..........and always return to drinking.
meeting a guy whom talked alot about a program??.....
the program is the meetings right?.......wrong.
he introduced me to the program of recovery laid out in the form of twelve steps..
he told me i could recover.......and not drink again.......if i was prepared to take certain action.....
that was the start of a long journey with him.........working through the big book and spending time together discussing the next step and the action involved.....sometimes it was uncomfortable.....recently it been uncomfortable...but not like the suicidal thoughts i had in the last months of my drinking.
life got better pretty quick for me.......the fog lifted.
i had the imformation about alcoholism i needed and was working on the solutions..
i re-married in recovery......re-trained....got a decent job.
made amends to all those people id harmed..........and lots are still my friends.
regained contact with my daughter...
life began to mean something again.......
today i try to carry that message of recovery..action and the steps to drunks that wanna listen........like lots of others here do.
i hope you find the solution.......i found the 12 steps as a means to recover from my hopeless condition.......alcoholism.
if i can be of any help to you please feel free to pm me.
im not that far from london......in fact i was born in london.
god be with you.