Your title is your addiction talking to you. You probaly do want to recover but you cant stand the thought of not having your booze buzz and your best mate in your life.
I still have the odd wobble (LOL) where I start to get nostalgic about my old friend but I can not act upon any passing thoughts and most of it is actually not related to drinking per se, though the alcoholic mind is a crafty git so it ultimately is.
I remember as soon as that first beer was down I used to say to myself 'how can I ever give you up?' I love you!! I genuinely did love booze but I also hated what it was making me become and how addicted and like a slave I was to it. My alclholism also makes me consume drugs also once I take a drink so I was powerless over those and I used to think the same about my 'highs' when' it was just blissfull utter utopian oblivion. Didn't last though and it soon turned very dark and seedy. Just a total slave to reaching oblivion and it was just wrecking me.
I made the decision on 8.7.09 that enough was enough and I was not gonna take a drink again ODAAT. I braced myself for the tough times and did what i needed to do to make sure I don't take that first drink, because that the one that gets ya. Without that first drink, booze and drinking don't bother me too much as long as I keep doing my 'recovery' but if I was to take that first one then it would be all I ever thought about again and I would be back in the game and so getting hammered every weekend again.
I had enough of that hopelessness that you describe and lethargy and only by admitting defeat and living in the solution and not dwelling in the past am I able to move forwards positively. It ain't easy and can be incredibly frustrating and difficult at times but the rewards of not feeling how you describe and feeling hope for the future make it all worth it.