dedubya,
I am much in the same boat.
My wife drinks...she for sure drinks too much sometimes,
but nothing like me.
I start up and it turns into a several day bender....
It's very hard to sober up and recover when your spouse drinks in the house.
But it can be done,,,,i did it last year for 6 months while she still drank. It was the 'headspace' I put myself in that made it work. During that time, (the longest time I've been sober since i was about 13), the most important thing to me was MY sobriety.
I didn't care what ANYONE did, the important thing was the I remained on the sober path....
I'm still struggling to get back into that 'headspace'. One little flub, just one mistake, that first drink, just puts me back on the treadmill.
Good luck to you dub. Good luck to ALL of us.