alcohol in the house when youre quitting

Old 01-04-2010, 08:00 AM
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alcohol in the house when youre quitting

I posted this as a response- and thought I could get comments from people in similar situations. I am really trying to quit completely and struggling and others are also. Have definitely slowed down and don't ever get 'falling down drunk', but I keep drinking. For what its worth....

Hello my friend-
I am so like you. Except you have a great string of sobriety going, and one slip. I am not going to sugar coat it- you know the deal. I am having the same problem or similar- I am quitting on and off for a few weeks now can't seem to string it together.....and I think I might know why. Two things (for me)- one: my wife drinks two glasses of wine each evening, not even close to alcoholic (IMO)- which means its in the house and I have caved many times over the last month or so. two: I am scared crapless of WDs, my work consists of meetings/presentations/speaking in front of many people, and the last thing I need is a panic attack in front of 300 people. Also the last thing I need is to die from drinking....anyway good luck- you have a lot of company.
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:23 AM
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Does your wife know about your situation with alcohol?

If no, tell her.
If yes, clearly she either doesn't think it's as big of a problem as it is or doesn't understand the nature of triggers when it comes to drinking.

You just can't have that crap in the house when you're trying to quit.

To your second point, I found that I was nervous/anxious because I was drinking. Granted, I'm an oddball because I enjoy giving presentations/speeches but even after a beer or five I would feel more uneasy because I wasn't sober. If you can't separate the speech/alcohol combination, it may be time for a career change for your health's sake.
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:24 AM
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Since I began recovery, we have not kept alcohol in the house, ever, nor do we ever serve alcohol in the house. That's what works for me. I have chronic insomnia and, early on, I was very worried about the dark, 3AM, alone, anxious times and that the temptation would be too much. So, now it's never an issue.
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:26 AM
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OK, Dub, two reasons. Booze in the house and scared of withdrawl.

How do those reasons help you recover? They really don't. That's focused on the problem, or at least the problem as you see it.

For me to recover, I had to focus on the solution. And the solution meant action. Very simple, precise actions.
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Old 01-04-2010, 08:38 AM
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Dub being in an alcohol free home does make early recovery easier, but I know folks who have been sober for many years living with another active alcoholic. My sponsor was married, to an active alcoholic for 20 years before her drinking reached the point where he divorced her.

In reality the only person that can keep one sober or get one drunk is them selfs.

Dub have you spoken to your wife about this?
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Old 01-04-2010, 09:05 AM
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For myself personally, my husband drinks. He is not an alcoholic, but, a heavy drinker/weekend warrior, etc. During my journey, at different times, my house has been alcohol free, and not.

Until I realized that although alcohol was no longer in my body, but, still in my head, that obsession was not letting me live, happy, joyous and free. When I finally realized I was powerless over alcohol, period, mine, yours, his, hers..and fully surrendered to that, I wasn't able to remain sober.

AA is helping me live, survive and thrive in my sobriety even with a spouse that has chosen a different path.

All I can work on is changing me...with Gods grace.

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Old 01-04-2010, 09:51 AM
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Well, my experience...

I went to rehab, well, I was sent to rehab.... when I came back after 2 months... there was alcohol in the house. My wife enjoys her one or two white wine spritzers while we watch the news and then Letterman...

At first it fooking sucked! I had not yet recovered, I just had a couple of months of rehab induced sobriety... We had a rather heated "discussion" or two about it initially, but like ANEWAUGUST and others have stated... once I recovered and lost the obsession and was no longer fighting alcohol... it has become a non issue... really, it's not a problem...

We have had 2-3 parties this year... with alcohol (We are not kids, these weren't keggers or anything, although a heavy hitter or two is usually present)... I'm pretty much over it... And, believe it or not, I had a good time!

I think the only time I feel any ambivalence, is that occasionally I'd like to just turn in for the night, together, to go to sleep, really ... and I'd just as soon not watch the TV while she has her drink... so... I just go to bed myself... sometimes I think she just likes to be alone... and that's fine, ya know?

My problem is not with alcohol, I am neutral as far as it's existence on the earth, I am neutral as to whether my wife or my friends like to have a drink or two. Now that my oldest son is 21, I've even gone to the basement to pull a beer or two out of hiding (yea right) and chilled them when he comes from college... he has to sit down and visit with me a while though!!

My problem is with myself... and it's not all about me... I've recovered.

This ain't about your wife dubs.... though maybe she can get the alcohol out of the house a while so you can string a few one day at a times together... but you are gonna have to talk to her...

Good Luck... Hope your presentation went well. Get recovered Dude, I'm pullin' for ya.

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Old 01-04-2010, 10:38 AM
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thanks - much appreciated, good points
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Old 01-04-2010, 11:35 AM
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When I first was realizing I had a problem with alcohol, I lived with a bunch of roommates who drank like fish. I had to move out and lived alone. I did a lot better when alcohol was not in easy reach.

Over time, being around alcohol didn't bother me at parties and social events. BUT, there was no way I could have it in my house. It was just too much to think about and too easy to have a momentary thought about it that would lead me to drink it all.

Can you have a talk with your wife and ask that she support your choice of a healthy, sober lifestyle and not have alcohol in the house?

I really think it's best to not have it around. I don't keep alcohol in my house. I'm sure just knowing I'd have to go through a lot of trouble to get any and that gives me time to think it through, "play the tape to the end" as it were.

It does get better over time, as you learn to live sober, build up a tool kit against relapse and learn the skills of sobriety.

I'm so glad you're back!

Much love,

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Old 01-04-2010, 11:54 AM
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I am much in the same boat.

My wife drinks...she for sure drinks too much sometimes,
but nothing like me.

I start up and it turns into a several day bender....
It's very hard to sober up and recover when your spouse drinks in the house.

But it can be done,,,,i did it last year for 6 months while she still drank. It was the 'headspace' I put myself in that made it work. During that time, (the longest time I've been sober since i was about 13), the most important thing to me was MY sobriety.

I didn't care what ANYONE did, the important thing was the I remained on the sober path....

I'm still struggling to get back into that 'headspace'. One little flub, just one mistake, that first drink, just puts me back on the treadmill.

Good luck to you dub. Good luck to ALL of us.
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:37 AM
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I had a good talk to my wife about this last night and I feel better for it. I think she understands a bit better now how I'd use her as another excuse to drink, like she'd given me permission to drink more without even realising it. Just by asking me to pick her up some drinks why I was out, or by asking me to get a nice bottle of wine to go with a meal, I'd always be thinking "bonus, now I don't have to come up with some BS excuse as to why I got MORE drinks".

It took me a lot to tell her that I done this, I never wanted to let that little secret go as it was always by "back up plan" when I needed more booze. Now she knows I'm sure she'll be mindful of having it in the house.

Interestingly, my friend returned my eski (cooler box) from the NYE party, when I opened it up there were still a few unopened bottles in there, the first thing that came into my head was "damn, I must of forgotten about those!" - crazyness
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:43 AM
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This one is the toughest yet, for me anyway. Always was and still is. My husband drinks as a non alcoholic does, the only difference now is that he hides it from me 'the alcoholic' and not the other way around as it used to be. He just forgets that I know all the hiding places on this planet and I know where the booze is. I'd rather not have any alcohol anywhere but in the stores, cause that would take a little more action than just untwisting the top. Am I giving into temptation? No and it does get easier, but I'm still resentful. I know deep down that won't change. I have had some good advise on here, but we need to cope with what life presents. I was also told that nothing should stand in my way of recovery. True, but not realistic. I am not getting a divorce because my hb doesn't understand what it is like to be an alcoholic and it would be so much easier to live in an alcohol free house. The alcoholic inside me would love to use that excuse and blame my hb for starting again, but lets face it, it would be just an excuse.
We have to find the strength within to surrender as others have said. It's the only way.
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:56 AM
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Oh dude, I can't have it in the house and my husband knows this. Maybe a day will come when I can handle it, but right now, if nightfall came and I knew there was rum in the freezer, zombie girl would take over and drink it. This is paramount I think for quitting, I know everyone's different, but if there is one thing that's universal in my opinion, there needs to be no booze in your HOME.
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by keithj View Post
OK, Dub, two reasons. Booze in the house and scared of withdrawl.

How do those reasons help you recover? They really don't. That's focused on the problem, or at least the problem as you see it.

For me to recover, I had to focus on the solution. And the solution meant action. Very simple, precise actions.
Fantastic. Best post I've read here. Thanks.
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