Originally Posted by
Still Waters 
Oh yes, dry drunk is definitely a real thing. My AH is one, and is a miserable, narcissistic, abusive human being.
If the crazy behavior and insane thought processes are still present when alcohol is no longer in the picture, you have a dry drunk.
I found it impossible to live with one.
About two months ago, my XABF gave me my suitcases and asked me to leave. We had been together nearly six and a half years, and the first year he was a blackout drunk, smoked entirely too much weed, and was above all very emotionally distant. He decided to quit drinking and drugs about five years ago, and I thought that was amazing! Over the last five years, however, I have come to realize that even with the absence of liquor and weed, he still had all the isms. He was still the empty, emotionally absent jerk that he was when he was still using. When he handed me my suitcases, he had been working a good program (AA), had a sponsor, and finally had a job. Three things I never would have thought I would see him get.
It's been through zero contact with him over the last two months, that I have come to realize that dry drunks exist, and they are some of the most miserable people. I went to an AA speaker meeting a few weeks ago, and the speaker had been dry for eight years, and said that he did everything he could to substitute in for alcohol...sex, relationships, going to the gym obsessively, working an insane number of hours at work... anything besides actually working a program.
Sim, do yourself a favor, go to Al-Anon immediately and also, seek out some open AA meetings. I found those to be particularly helpful in understanding their side, and I also gained some compassion for them, which I didn't have before...I only had pity for him and them.
Now's the time to work on you, and for you to understand that you can't cure, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and finally, you can contribute to it.
MUCH LOVE!