living with a 'dry' alcoholic ...please shed some light
hi all ,
im hoping some of you could help ... ??
my partner of 10 years is in recovery and attends AA / NA meetings ... has been on and off for the last , say , 7 years ... has been completely sober for a year , last week .
at the start of our relationship , we partied together , had a tonne of fun until i fell pregnant . the pregnancy turned my world around , made me see through the haze and i stopped all vices to try and become a great mum . we now have 2 amazing girls aged 7 and 5 and give thanks every day for them .
my partner tried to stay sober through out , would relapse occasionally , but he really did try to get help not to drink / drug , and overcome his addictions .
i have recently been trawling these forums in hope i would find someone with a similar problem and have come across the term ' dry' alcoholic . this term fits him perfectly - even though he doesnt drink and drug - there seems to be no joy in his world , he lives in a distant bubble , is FULL of resentment towards EVERYBODY and thinks the grass is greener in everybody elses world , ESPECIALLY if they can drink .
i continually try to boost him up , tell him how fabulous he is ( because he REALLY is ) , buy him books that will help him find his joy , buy him cds he can listen to whilst working . he resents all this and grows even more distant and gets angry .
i know my approach isnt working and tells me that he cant take advice from me because we are emotionally involved . we ve constantly argued for about 6 months now . my patience has suddenly just dissolved .
today it came to a head , and he s moved out indefinately . its our daughters 5th birthday tomorrow and im gutted for them but feel a small sense of relief for myself . so im sitting here wondering if anyone out there can shed some light ....
why does he find it SO SO SO hard to surrender to step 1 ???
why does he love and feel comfort from his misery ???
why does he resist recovery ??? ( i read a passage of Louise Hays the other day on 'resistance to change ' and felt it fit him like a glove . he completely agreed then cancelled a meeting with his sponser who he continuously avoids because they just dont click .
does any one have any advice ? i hope i explained the situation enough and it wasnt too long winded . many thanks to all in advance . i really want this kind beautiful man back , but want him to SEE THAT HE HAS THE GREENEST PASTURES OF ALL !
x m