Detachment is the key--exactly. It took me a long time to get that. My STBXAH told our marriage counselor that his drinking is his "heritage" (he's Irish) and because I'm German, I can never understand. He also said our marriage was in trouble because he "couldn't get me out of the house with dynamite", when the fact was that I LOVED going out for dinner with couples, or to any kind of gathering. I just hated going to the event, then to another bar, then to the casino, then to the casino bar...until I had to drive him and everyone else home and carry him into the house! Not my idea of a date....so I began taking my own car or just staying home.
How twisted the A's outlook becomes! Of course, the entire time we were in marriage counseling, he was "dating" a secretary in our law office. He just lost his job there, because his partners don't want to deal with a liar and a cheater, either.
Bottom line: we are entitled to have a life without this foolishness and sometimes have to leave our comfort zone to fight for it. Happy New Year, all.