My facebook status for most of yesterday invited my friends over to my house for an alcohol free party (because I refused to ring in the new year with drunk ass sarcasm, I've had enough of that the last two years of my life).
I deal with people all day at work. Nine hours a day driving from house to house trying to resolve problems people have. Not a day goes by I don't encounter a drinker. For awhile there I would be angry; very short with these people. Almost an "I really don't want to help you" kind of attitude. Their complaints are legitimate, it's the smell of booze that turned me off from caring though.
I have a few friends that are drinkers (but not alcoholics). My close ones know what the last two years of my life have been like and to my surprise a few of them have even been in similar situations in their lives in their past so they understand. A few, however, don't understand. And for me that's where boundaries come in. I don't want to lose these friends, I just don't want to be a part of the drinking times. For me I felt like I had two options....lose these friends or skip certain moments. If I asked these friends not to involve me in the times when drinking was taking place and they did anyway, or if they simply walked away for good, then really they weren't my friends at all. Fortunately for me, the one friend I was so worried about losing accepted my boundary and doesn't call or text me anymore when he's drinking. THAT is a friend.
As for the others I have to encounter during work....my job is to handle their complaint. Being angry that someone is drinking (or is drunk) by 10 in the morning is not my job. Handling the complaint is. I am not there to fix a drinking problem and once I receive the information I am there to get, I can walk away and let it go. It will not affect my life. I have almost trained myself to feel sorry for these people, rather than get angry with them. Anger solves nothing.
I don't want to be a part of the drinking my friends get whatever out of. And that's okay. It didn't mean for me I had to lose all my friends. I set up boundaries and those who respected my boundaries were my friends. Those who didn't, like xabf, are long gone.
For the longest time, every person I saw drinking was automatically a verbally abusive alcoholic. Every person I saw at 10 in the morning buying a case of beer at the gas station was a drunk and it stirred up a lot of anger and resentment in me. I'd snicker at the person. In time I realized that my reaction to these situations was allowing alcohol to control my life. Here I was--a non drinker being controlled by a alcohol!!!
Act....but don't REact. My reaction was to get angry and cold. My action is to not be a part of it.