silentone

from Hydro. I just want to share my story been here for a while, reading but this will only be my 2nd post..

so here it goes..

For me I was in denial, for years. I took whatever I could get my hands onto, from whomever, then I started seeking out Dr's that would Rx them to me. Yes I did have pain, but nothing bad enough to need to be addicted to this junk. I got very Clever and started shopping around for differant dr, differant pharmacies. (BAD BAD IDEA)

I became very addicted and became someone I didnt even know, a liar, a theif, a cheater, a horrible friend, I dragged a lot of people into full addiction with me, wanted to share with them how I was feeling, (ANOTHER BAD BAD IDEA)
I have had such feelings of quilt assosiated with that. I contributed to my friends, and love ones and now they are addicts too. :-( I loved the way in made me "super" mom/wife/worker/friend/ slash anything I wanted I could do better then when being just me. WRONG again. So here I am 4 years latter, so much wasted high time, and who knows how much money wasted. (alot.) I have figured out that I can only be responsible for me.

I talked to my Dr. the one I trusted the most, and got honest, that was super big step and very htough for me to do. He put me on tapper plan after tapper plan, but none of those ever worked, until this one. This one is called COLD TURKEY, and it isnt fun by any means, but it is what I have to do to be clean, I will do it. I have to do it, I have to be free.

So 24 hours into this and I dont feel horrible, (knock on wood) sick to my tummy a bit, RLS, and fatigue, direaha a little little bit, which is super surprizing to me, because being the addict I am I have been without many of times, and the withdrawal was always to much to bare. Always went back for
"just one" ever time, even after being clean for sometimes 3 months, I pray this is the last time, I feel stronger this time then anyother time, My mind set is so differant this time, I want this, for me and my life, my kids. I am not just doing this because my supply has ran dry, I DONT WANT NOT EVEN ONE PILL EVER AGAIN.. I dont want to revolve my life around those pills ever again.

I do have children to take care of durring this, and no help, Its just me. My mom isnt close enough, lives hundreds and hundreds of miles away, and I let go of all my friends, months ago, because I have been mentally kicking the habit for awhile now. ALL the friends I had are all still very much in denial and addiction. They can not help me, nor do I want the type of help they would give me. (more pills) No thank you.

okay I am rambling now.