Thank you Tigger, I"m always looking to be armed with more info about this awful anxiety disorder.
By the time AH got here to pick up his stuff, I was calm. He asked if I would tell him why I was upset earlier at the store so I did. Kept it brief and told him I had worked it out. He said he has very good boundaries with the staff he manages, said all the right things to try to make me feel better, said he was very sorry for his affair, for all the ways he's hurt me. That those are the reasons we're not together, he knows it's been impossible for me to get over.
I thought differently for a long time, that if he would only "help" me get over this stuff we could work through it and be happy together. If he would stop talking to her But we can't. He's an alcoholic.
I told him he doesn't have to apologize any more. He does have true remorse and I know he's seen what his affair really was. It took him a long time to sort it out, but I know he doesnt' talk to her anymore. He spends his time working, trying to make my house better for the kids and drinking. He has his regrets. I really do not want to make him relive them. I want us both to move forward.
I told him it was just a trigger and that I worked through it.
used to be, I'd be awake crying for days. I think I"m getting better, even though I'd prefer to not have to go through these things at all...