Trans Dear, I know very little about PTSD, although I suspect many of us on this forum suffer from it to various degrees. But thought I'd share something my stepdad said to me that has been helpful. That is, to examine your motives. For example for me, when I go over to STBX-AH's house to visit the dog (court ordered, he can't be there), I'll do little nice things, like fill up the bird feeder. Clean up the dogs puke. So I examined my motives. Maybe in hopes that he'll stop being horrible to me in the divorce proceedings, maybe that someday he'll get all better (ya right), and we can live happily ever after (YA RIGHT). Not exactly sure, but whatever it is, I'm almost sure to get hurt because he won't be nicer to me, and chances are we'll never get back together and he won't get better, or it'll be 10 years now when I've moved on. Or something. Just saying, it might be an interesting idea for all of us to examine our motives when we choose to interact with our A's. Not necessarily to share, but to honestly seek what we hope to get out of the interaction. Just a though, if it's useful great, if not, chuck it.
Hugs!
Tigg