transformyself

I’m sorry guys I know you're ill equipped to handle this, it's my PTSD and really has nothing to do with codependency but I don't have any where else to go.

I met with my new boss today, am managing editor of a new trade paper and am very excited, overwhelmed but overall very happy. In general very happy

Then I went with the kids into the store where AH works to get some groceries. Nothing new, do it all the time. This is the problem with PTSD; I never know when it will strike.

There was some young girl working behind the seafood counter with him, sulking around, giving him the eyes. I thought my head was going to explode right then and there. Bam. Wanted to scream at him, I still do. Wonder how long it'll take for them to end up in bed together, if it hasn't already. *******.

This is just because he had an affair with some piece of crap he worked with. Humiliated myself and him and good. the kids talked to him, I went to produce and pretended to care about the brocolli. I was shaking and could barely look at hm.

he knows whats going on. honestly there is probably nothing going on YET between them, but I feel like I might throw up.

I went to his faceb ook page, haven't been there in months and of course she's his friend, posting all over the page. She's also friends with a family of people who all work at the store, the women LOVE AH and tell me how much they do.
I do not need this man in my life in any capacity. None. He has pulled my heart and soul from my chest and pissed all over it. Nice like, pretending to be helpful, caring and a real nice guy.While he was living with that fuckign tramp he woudl come over every day and purr to me aobut how bad he felt, how much he was torn. I ate it up. The drama The drama! God I hate him.

i hvae to cut this off, I'll end up in a very bad way if I don't. My heart is pounding, I want to call him and scream at him, I guess I'll take some clonipin, all though I hate that ****. But I don’t want to pace and shake and cry all night. and I don't want to do anything stupid. I was very very happy totally fine with out him.

See what you did to me you **** wad? You and your ***** girlfriend. I hate you. I can’t believe I let you stay here, can’t believe I was so happy when you wanted to come home. You’ll never change, never amount to anything but a fish mongering drunk while I am strong and smart and people love me because I"m funny and insightful. You just have stupid ***** you meet at work.

I feel enraged, abandoned, unloved, insanely jealous more than what ordinarily would happen. This is the man who has women throwing themselves at him, always has, and cheated on me continuously for 14 years. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I run after him for so long? It was just that abandonment thing, that's all but I will never NEVER be in that position again. You want someone else? Go do it and STAY THE **** AWAY FROM ME