...and it ain't pretty
Trying not to speak in absolutes, but I've been thinking lately about how my life was, how I was living it, and how I treated others.
Selfish, self centered, grandiose, scared & fearful. Damn...it's true. Just like the book said. I was but a scared little boy living in a grown up world.
I drank and drugged b/c I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling of feeling and acting important. I liked the feeling of making "friends" easy, of making lovers easy, and of pleasure seeking made easy. I liked my reputation as the party guy b/c I wanted people to respect me and this was the easy way of doing it. Etc...Etc...Etc...
Now I realize it was all a lie. It was all a lie b/c I didn't earn a damn thing, I took the easy way and lied, cheated, and stole my way through life. I did this mostly to feel good, to not have to face my feelings, and to portray what I wanted the world to see me as. ...and not to see me as I was.
I gotta lot of work to do.