ahhh_the_peeling_of_the_onion_has_begun
ahhh_the_peeling_of_the_onion_has_begun
...and it ain't pretty
Trying not to speak in absolutes, but I've been thinking lately about how my life was, how I was living it, and how I treated others.
Selfish, self centered, grandiose, scared & fearful. Damn...it's true. Just like the book said. I was but a scared little boy living in a grown up world.
I drank and drugged b/c I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling of feeling and acting important. I liked the feeling of making "friends" easy, of making lovers easy, and of pleasure seeking made easy. I liked my reputation as the party guy b/c I wanted people to respect me and this was the easy way of doing it. Etc...Etc...Etc...
Now I realize it was all a lie. It was all a lie b/c I didn't earn a damn thing, I took the easy way and lied, cheated, and stole my way through life. I did this mostly to feel good, to not have to face my feelings, and to portray what I wanted the world to see me as. ...and not to see me as I was.
I gotta lot of work to do.
Trying not to speak in absolutes, but I've been thinking lately about how my life was, how I was living it, and how I treated others.
Selfish, self centered, grandiose, scared & fearful. Damn...it's true. Just like the book said. I was but a scared little boy living in a grown up world.
I drank and drugged b/c I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling of feeling and acting important. I liked the feeling of making "friends" easy, of making lovers easy, and of pleasure seeking made easy. I liked my reputation as the party guy b/c I wanted people to respect me and this was the easy way of doing it. Etc...Etc...Etc...
Now I realize it was all a lie. It was all a lie b/c I didn't earn a damn thing, I took the easy way and lied, cheated, and stole my way through life. I did this mostly to feel good, to not have to face my feelings, and to portray what I wanted the world to see me as. ...and not to see me as I was.
I gotta lot of work to do.
Kjell,
I was also surprised to look at the reality of my life.
I had made all my decisions, large and small, based on fear and living in the dark. It was unbelievably sad to me, and I truly had a long period of mourning for all the losses that had happened because of my fear.
But, I have grown and changed and you can do that too. Under my avatar it says "Dancing in the Light" and that is how I try to live my life now.
I was also surprised to look at the reality of my life.
I had made all my decisions, large and small, based on fear and living in the dark. It was unbelievably sad to me, and I truly had a long period of mourning for all the losses that had happened because of my fear.
But, I have grown and changed and you can do that too. Under my avatar it says "Dancing in the Light" and that is how I try to live my life now.
Great post kjell, I have heard folks use the onion metaphor who have over 30 years sober. These folks have peace and serenity sparkling about them, yet when they speak, it is not as though they are done with their recovery, they are always learning, with every new layer of them selves that they peel back and come to terms with, there is yet another layer beneath.
I have heard old timers say that when they think they got it and can go no further they dig even further and continue to work thier programs.
I have heard old timers say that when they think they got it and can go no further they dig even further and continue to work thier programs.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
If interested in the origins of the onion metaphor, I believe credit goes to Henrik Ibsen where he first successfully utilized it in his classic play, Peer Gynt:
Peer Gynt's life with the trolls and as a troll also provides some interesting metaphors for life as a drunk: "Out there, where sky shines, humans say: 'To thyself be true.' In here, trolls say: 'Be true to yourself-ish.'"
Peer Gynt's life with the trolls and as a troll also provides some interesting metaphors for life as a drunk: "Out there, where sky shines, humans say: 'To thyself be true.' In here, trolls say: 'Be true to yourself-ish.'"
Yes, I do believe this is the root of my discontent. Well said basIam.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
...and it ain't pretty
Trying not to speak in absolutes, but I've been thinking lately about how my life was, how I was living it, and how I treated others.
Selfish, self centered, grandiose, scared & fearful. Damn...it's true. Just like the book said. I was but a scared little boy living in a grown up world.
I drank and drugged b/c I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling of feeling and acting important. I liked the feeling of making "friends" easy, of making lovers easy, and of pleasure seeking made easy. I liked my reputation as the party guy b/c I wanted people to respect me and this was the easy way of doing it. Etc...Etc...Etc...
Now I realize it was all a lie. It was all a lie b/c I didn't earn a damn thing, I took the easy way and lied, cheated, and stole my way through life. I did this mostly to feel good, to not have to face my feelings, and to portray what I wanted the world to see me as. ...and not to see me as I was.
I gotta lot of work to do.
Trying not to speak in absolutes, but I've been thinking lately about how my life was, how I was living it, and how I treated others.
Selfish, self centered, grandiose, scared & fearful. Damn...it's true. Just like the book said. I was but a scared little boy living in a grown up world.
I drank and drugged b/c I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling of feeling and acting important. I liked the feeling of making "friends" easy, of making lovers easy, and of pleasure seeking made easy. I liked my reputation as the party guy b/c I wanted people to respect me and this was the easy way of doing it. Etc...Etc...Etc...
Now I realize it was all a lie. It was all a lie b/c I didn't earn a damn thing, I took the easy way and lied, cheated, and stole my way through life. I did this mostly to feel good, to not have to face my feelings, and to portray what I wanted the world to see me as. ...and not to see me as I was.
I gotta lot of work to do.
Kjell,
I was also surprised to look at the reality of my life.
I had made all my decisions, large and small, based on fear and living in the dark. It was unbelievably sad to me, and I truly had a long period of mourning for all the losses that had happened because of my fear.
But, I have grown and changed and you can do that too. Under my avatar it says "Dancing in the Light" and that is how I try to live my life now.
I was also surprised to look at the reality of my life.
I had made all my decisions, large and small, based on fear and living in the dark. It was unbelievably sad to me, and I truly had a long period of mourning for all the losses that had happened because of my fear.
But, I have grown and changed and you can do that too. Under my avatar it says "Dancing in the Light" and that is how I try to live my life now.
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