Wow! This is wonderful! Does that sound so wrong or what? What I mean is it really is wonderful to just see that so many others out there have these days and feelings, and it's not just me feeling like I'm the only one. I'm sorry my hole is so full of people, but I think we're all starting to help each other climb out. Thank you guys for being there because it really helped. It really did. I went to work today and then a Al-anon meeting tonight, and that seemed to help me crawl out. I still feel it in the background, like I'm on the lip, but I'm working really hard to keep it there and out of the hole. Also talked to a friend tonight that helped me as well. We're okay today. I'm going to be okay...
As for FB, I think I have hit the "enough" button. I can't do that anymore. That depression was so low yesterday, it could really send me down a really dark dark hole I wouldn't get out of. I have to let him go. I can't go there again. I just can't. Looking at it steals my hope, my dreams, my self respect, my faith in myself. I deserve more than this. I'm fighting it all so I don't go back there, and i have to keep fighting until I don't really have to fight anymore.
One thing I read up on on the internet was actually Cognitive Behavorial Theraphy. Basically, you believe what you think. Exactly what Trans is talking about. By changing the way I think, it will change the way I feel. My own Codie poor image is what is keeping me attached to him as well as beating myself up. That's what I need to work on. Changing my thoughts and feelings about my self worth.
As for FB, I won't delete it. I have family and friends on both ends of the country and its the best way to keep in touch with them. I just have to control myself from looking at his. His page=pain. I have this posted on my computer now. Need the reminder...
A friend sent me "45 lessons of life" today and it really really helped. 3 I'd like to share with you that I really took to heart:
"Frame every so called disaster with these words- "In 5 years, will it matter" "
"All that truly matters in the end is that you loved".... and that I did
Finally:
"Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"
Thanks to you all for being there during my dark time.....