Having very dark thoughts...

Old 12-28-2009, 10:09 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY, NY
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BS08, I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I think it's ok to have a sad day sometimes we need it, as long as it doesn't become a state of being. Yesterday I went on FB too, after I swore I would never go on...It's terrible! Is it possible to to a impulsive delete and not look back?

The holidays have had me reflecting too--was it really so bad??? My guess is that it was. And that's the thing, YOU didn't feel like the relationship was giving you enough. Why shouldn't you have everything you want? Maybe your'e alone right now but I think it doesn't compare to the loneliness you feel when you are married to someone who is clearly not right for you.

Maybe this will be helpful--with the coming of the new year I've been imagining myself this time next year. I don't know exactly what the future will hold but if at the very least Im released from that endless hoping that 'this time he means it' than I'm in a better place. My life will no longer be on hold anymore. Stay strong, the holidays are almost over.
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Old 12-28-2009, 10:54 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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S1- Yes, it is possible to do an impulsive delete and never look back.

I was ADDICTED to facebook, my day began and ended with the silly thing. BUT it was also a connection to him, and it was just too painful, the urge to go look at his picture, to see if they had a pic of them together. You know what, I saw it....and that did it.
I deleted my entire page without another thought... I refused to keep torturing myself and to truly work on myself and focus on ME.

And since I have been off, I HAVEN'T missed it at all! Ok, I miss seeing some of my friends, but we have something called the telephone

Deleting my page was the best thing I did, and if I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:02 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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PLUS... these guys are just as addicted to fb as we can be. I know mine is....he likes to keep track of what other people do to.

And to know that I just dropped off the face of the earth, and now he can't see what I say to other people, he can't see what I am up to at all. It gave me my power back!

He thinks women are obsessed with him (yes, I really cared for him), but he thinks I go and try to keep track of his life. Really?? Well, that's how interested I am in your life...I don't want to see it!
If i'm not in your life and you don't want to be in mine, then neither of us need to know a thing about each other. That's my pov right now atleast.

Trust me, if you look at deleting facebook as an empowering move, it will be easier to do.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:23 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Dear BS

In my life, this:
I will admit, I was on his FB. Again. Damn it.
is the direct cause of this:
I just feel in a deep dark hole and don't know how to get out. Why do other people seem to have full happy lives, with loving husbands/boyfriends and friends and I seem to be so alone. I don't know how to fix it...

And I'm starting to ask God what I did to be left alone like this...
Now. I use to argue ( and believe) that my past, my abusive parents, my drunk cheating husband, and the sum total of my sh***y life really is the cause of my deep despair. But all of those events are all in the past.

Yes, I needed to grieve the loss of my marriage. Yes, I need to acknowledge and work through and accept the pain and loss of my sh***y life. Grieve. But I didn't want to get stuck there. And I thankfully realized the actions I take to keep myself in pain.

Snooping on my AH is in the present. It's an action I TAKE . Every time, each and every time I snoop on him, I am immersed in pain and depression. I hate him. How could he? Where is he? I won't let him... bla bla bla.

It's like picking at a scab until it bleeds. The one in my chest.

I use facebook for work and deleting it would be like cutting off my nose. I also have fun with my friends there, exchange ideas and information. So, I just stopped going there (to his page). I stopped breaking into his email. I stopped looking through his phone. I stopping thinking about looking through his phone. I cut those thoughts off when they occur, as if my life depends on it.

And then I get off my butt and take concrete steps to make my life what I've always wanted it to be.

I do these things mainly because I am sick of being devastated and miserable. Sick to death of it. I love life! I want great things for myself and no one will rob me of it.

Especially me.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:38 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Keep your chin up even if you don't feel like it...I've spent a lot of time in the dark as well. Sometimes it is a struggle to get "into the light" If it is sunny outside - go out in the sun...bundle up and just let it shine on is symbolically stimulating. I like to get in touch with nature as much as possible when down...look at the sky, cloud paintings, trees etc. It helps some, it will change, you can count on it. Envision if you will what you would hold as your joyful life...what would your day be like, what would you be doing, thinking, feeling? This helps me get to the point of a faint smile and then it builds a little. It feels HOPEFUL instead of HOPELESS. Therapy, meds and connection with understanding people are great tools to help you release your feelings. These are not NEGATIVE feelings...I like to call it Motivational Dissatisfaction. One thing you can count on is that it will change.
Be well. (((HUGS))) D
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Old 12-28-2009, 01:49 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Y'all know you can block a person without deleting your own FB, right?

According to HELP on FB, there are two ways:
1) Settings>Privacy Settings>Block List>Type the person's name or email. It'll give you a search result. Find the correct person, and click Block.

2) Go to the person's profile, at the bottom click 'Report/Block this Person' and in the popup, check 'Block' then hit 'Submit'.
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Old 12-28-2009, 02:30 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Hugs to everyone in the dark hole **HUG**

Three winters ago I was in the deepest, darkest hole I had ever been in as an adult. My alcoholic then-husband had chosen to keep his adulterous relationship over reconciling with me, he was out having a blast with his girlfriend and all her buddies, and I was at home, seriously, vomiting from misery at 3 a.m. My daughter was with her dad that Christmas-- I woke up on the morning of the 25th, took a sleeping pill, and didn't wake up again until the next day.

Today, I'm single again, but I've experienced the joy and support of an addiction free relationship; I'm on a better career path, I have a wonderful relationship with my child, and I believe in myself and my attractiveness and worth. I value my life. It got better. My divorce still hurts, and I still love my ex husband... but my life is fabulous even with those things still going on. (And, that cute and intelligent fellow I was chatting with over Christmas dinner just friended me on FB! Fortunately my ex doesn't have a page) There may be negative things in my life that I can't change, but I don't have to hang out with them in my personal space all the time.

And I'm not insane, either, in case y'all wondered!

So please hang on. It might seem like nothing will ever improve, but that's the dark hole talking to you. May next year bring good things to everyone
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Old 12-28-2009, 09:53 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Wow! This is wonderful! Does that sound so wrong or what? What I mean is it really is wonderful to just see that so many others out there have these days and feelings, and it's not just me feeling like I'm the only one. I'm sorry my hole is so full of people, but I think we're all starting to help each other climb out. Thank you guys for being there because it really helped. It really did. I went to work today and then a Al-anon meeting tonight, and that seemed to help me crawl out. I still feel it in the background, like I'm on the lip, but I'm working really hard to keep it there and out of the hole. Also talked to a friend tonight that helped me as well. We're okay today. I'm going to be okay...

As for FB, I think I have hit the "enough" button. I can't do that anymore. That depression was so low yesterday, it could really send me down a really dark dark hole I wouldn't get out of. I have to let him go. I can't go there again. I just can't. Looking at it steals my hope, my dreams, my self respect, my faith in myself. I deserve more than this. I'm fighting it all so I don't go back there, and i have to keep fighting until I don't really have to fight anymore.

One thing I read up on on the internet was actually Cognitive Behavorial Theraphy. Basically, you believe what you think. Exactly what Trans is talking about. By changing the way I think, it will change the way I feel. My own Codie poor image is what is keeping me attached to him as well as beating myself up. That's what I need to work on. Changing my thoughts and feelings about my self worth.

As for FB, I won't delete it. I have family and friends on both ends of the country and its the best way to keep in touch with them. I just have to control myself from looking at his. His page=pain. I have this posted on my computer now. Need the reminder...

A friend sent me "45 lessons of life" today and it really really helped. 3 I'd like to share with you that I really took to heart:

"Frame every so called disaster with these words- "In 5 years, will it matter" "

"All that truly matters in the end is that you loved".... and that I did


"Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"

Thanks to you all for being there during my dark time.....
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