Hey Pedaling,
Don't feel stupid. Just learn from this and move on. Yep that ol addictive mentality - oh woe is me. You contacting him is not going to get him sober and is just going to make you miserable. This man needs help (which takes time) - he needs to be "turned inside out" to see what he has done and until he gets it a healthy relationship cannot be. Don't romatize. Accept reality - he is an active alcoholic. Getting sober is up to that individual and if they want it they can have it no matter how far they have fell. YOu don't need to help him. It does get easier. Besides you don't know what is in your future..if it is meant to be it will be. But no matter what happens you will be alright.
Listen I have been there. It does get easier. I would rather be alone then be with him and still be alone along with all the drama.
Hugs