both of your comments also ring true for me. my ex-husband is now living with someone and if you made an assumption based on their smiling pictures, you would think he / they are happy. but i think one of the reasons it's "working" is that he does not have to hide his drinking in that relationship. oh, what a burden off that must be. i too, looked at the picture of him holding a beer in one hand and his arm around her in the other and thought "maybe it's not all that out of control. maybe he's changed. maybe...."
i am now with someone who is on methadone maintanence. he gets what he calls a slight glow an hour after he takes his maintenence dose, but does not get high. he is still taking a substance though, every day. can i live with this? is it acceptable to me? jury is still out on that one.
the bottom line is that we KNEW there was something we couldn't live with, and we made the right decisions, for us. funny how often our minds can play tricks on us.
kitty, what you said about his emotional equal makes so much sense. also who wouldn't want to be around someone who doesn't constantly hold up a mirror in front of their face? i think it gets to the point that even when you're not holding it right up there, you just being in their presence holds it up. (did that make sense?)
and also what you said to s1seven. i am just starting to "remember" who i am, and act on it - reconnecting with friends and getting out there and doing things that bring me pleasure, that i had lost when i was wrapped up in my abf's using behaviors.
happy new year