(((Trish))) - I had to think about your question...if someone had the dope in front of me, would I want to use...to be honest, I would THINK about it for about half a second, and then I would remember my last time of using and get the hell out of there. This I know for a fact.
I used to drop off a coworker, who lived in the 'hood. He actually ended up messing up with crack, lost his job, got locked up and is now getting his **** back together and on intensive probation. Anyway, after I would drop him off, the d-boys in his apt. complex would try to "serve" me, and I would just wave, say "I'm straight" and keep driving...had a pocket full of enough money to get high for a little while.
SO, my point is, you're right..you DO need to follow your plan...IOP, sober living, whatever it takes. What worked for me, is not going to work for you. You can use and come home...I couldn't. May not seem like such a big difference, but it is HUGE. I'm NOT saying anything bad about grams..I'm really not. I'm just saying that you've got to do something different before you end up like my ex and your ex.....dead.
I love you dearly, and I really, really want you to get to the point where you're "recovering mind" says "hell NO!!!" when the thought of using enters. Yes, I still have thoughts of getting numb...they just don't last long at all. It's like one voice says "man, I just wanna be numb" and another voice says "yeah, THAT'S a brilliant idea...WTF happened the LAST time you tried that dipshyt?" and the memories of the BAD part of my using during my relapse come back and it isn't pretty.
You're doing great, sweetie.....keep it up.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy