just wanted to add another old voice here neomarxist (love that name by the way)
i drank from 16 to 36, that included losing custody of one child, and having two more children, who luckily have no memories of drunk mommy.
thank god i dont drink anymore.
i hope that at your young age you find the wisdom and courage i lacked to quit long before i lost my oldest son.
bless your heart, mourn what you need to, and try to move on.
there is life without alcohol, you might need to look outside the culture you are in now.