my experience.....and i can remember feeling like you do.
it wasnt till i got away from booze and implemented a program of recovery could i look back and realize the warped twisted thinking involved with my active alcoholism.
life will be glum..........nobody stops drinking altogether........i could stop if i really wanted too........this time tommorow ill be booze free....ill summon all my willpower......ill drink at weekends.......4 times a month and that is definatley my limit..........on and on and on.
that program was the 12 steps........and within a short time i could see the truth about my drinking...
i would never find the willpower to stop for any length of time........it had me licked........like a bull being led by the nose......
you said your not sure whether you wanna stop but the docs says your infection is probably alcohol induced..
does that sound insane to you....?
if i went out dodging traffic....got run down and did it again would you call me insane...? is that such a different situation to yours or mine?.....not really.
if you wanna stop and find that you cant......there are programs out there just for people like you and me....if indeed you are an alcoholic.
i needed to get away from the booze to see the truth....from the twisted perception....
if your alcoholic i can recommend the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous..
it does and did work for me.