Just Thinking
I was just thinking that with the holidays here I wish I had found this site when I was dealing with my XABF. What a tremendous source of comfort I have found reading about people's experiences. I found the stickies particularly helpful-and realized I never truly handled his "slips" well. I am feeling very sad today and have stupidly started thinking "what if I handled my reaction to the slips differently?" Maybe he wouldn't have felt like he had to hide things. I was completely ill-equipped to handle his addiction. We are so different. I wonder maybe his girlfriend that drinks with him will calm his urges in some way--being that everything is out in the open. They will surely avoid that horrible cycle we went through of anger-disappointment-then-deception. Don't know what to think...
I always took his slips to heart either reacting with tears or a confrontation. Neither worked. Toward the end I would acknowledge them but suggest him to get back on track but that's when his "slips" seemed to become more frequent. I had an even worse thought-was his drinking really that bad? He never drank on a daily basis and was never abusive. His binge drinking and cocaine use would happen in cycles with no rhyme or reason. He wouldn't do anything sometimes for 2 months, then it might be every 2 weeks. You could never be sure. In truth, the stress of him not working, being high from pot all day, and these "slips" all contributed to me ending the relationship. Anyway, just reflecting and feeling melancholy.