Well good day everyone! To anyone posting today - probably you are alone like I am.
It is partly my choice this time - ever since my RAH and I have been together the holidays have been a mess. Full of chaos, conflict, and dissappointment. Last year, at his worst, H walked out C morning during breakfast to drink all day and we didn't talk until NYEve when he tried to apologize and then started fighting again. He got sober one month later.
We live separately so it is easier in some ways. This year has been better without the alcohol but underlying negative thinking and uncontrolled emotions and poor communication skills have now permitted much improvement in our marriage.
so this year as things were continuing to be rocky i made up my mind that it would be better to spend the holidays without him included and alone than to go through all the hoops. RAH was initially convincing that we could do this year without the fighting b/c he isn't drinking. we got as far as 6 days after Thanksgiving. Barely talked for the next few weeks until my son called to say he had started his shopping and wanted more ideas for my H. It hit me then that I didn't know what to say - and then I was angry - why don't I know what we are doing for the holiday? Why don't i know if we will be together or not? I suddenly hit me that this was crazy! So I called my H and told him so. We had a great conversation about it - about how hard things are for us - and how much we each would like to see the rel work out. A very honest conversation with some difficult things said and taken without argument. So tried and it lasted three days!
It started over a convo on the phone at night when I was tired and didn't feel up to listening to him reading something he read on the internet of interest to him but unrelated to anything I had interest in. He took offense, began attacking our relationship for all other reasons, when I reminded him that many of our conflicts are related to his drinking and probably would not have been so poorly managed without that element. He took further offense and cut me off. I didn't like that but understand how sensitive he is with references to his drinking.
Next day he informs that he will be over but reminds me that he is very angry with me for what I said. He proceeded to give me a list of things I cannot say to him while he is there. I tried to explain my frustration about how his anger controls the time we spend together. His response what mean and he blew off Christmas - so I told him that I didn't want to have any contact with him for awhile. With that he wanted the rel over.
I have been sad and lonely, but it is quiet today. My choice to have quiet. One day at a time.
Blessed Christmas everyone!
