Pedaling-
Sorry I didn't fully dislclose our situation.
I did leave him, he has been staying here until his place is ready this weekend. It's been fine, but times up!
I deflect it by detachment. And its' ever clearer to me now that I do not want him.
I was thinking when I went to sleep last night how bizarre it is that I have been able to shift gears from being so desperate, so entangled in his drama to... this.
Seriously. I read the horror stories of other women/folks here and that was me not too long ago. I felt I couldn't get out of that entanglement. I was so emotional all the time. I was physically sick.
Our "conversations" about our relationship were like contortionist acts. His "beliefs" about me, about my "lifestyle" his subtle insinuations about me drove me insane! I spent all day and night trying to figure out what he meant, or trying to convince him that I'm not that kind of person.
Can you imagine that?
Last night, he did the same thing. We were having a meeting, doling out tasks for christmas eve. I have to (unbelievably) go back to our foreclosed house and get the last of my things today (in about 10 minutes) and when he asked me to get his wieght bench and giagantic fishtank, I told him I was afraid it would throw out my back again.
That's when he became hostile, telling me just to get my belongings and he'll get his.
I told him it was just another illustration of how he's treated me our entire marriage. When I'm sick or need something he gets all hostile.
When I was pregnant with our last son I had pnumonia and would cry because I was so sick and he just raged at me. For 14 years.
Then he accused me of not being able to focus on the task at hand because I was too emotional.
What a joke, See what I mean by contortionist. I have no desire to engage with him. I stopped talking to him and got back to my life. That is the way I deal with his madness now, instead of obsessing, wondering waht is wrong with me or him or both of us and torturing myself. I just want him to go away.
That snapped me out of it, all though I am glad we had that conversation. He has not and will not ever change. I don't want a man who treats me this way. I've known this for awhile and am thrilled he'll be leaving Christmas day. Thrilled. I can even garuntee you that he'll send an apology text or email to me today. Why? Because its' the predictable pattern. So predictable.
Now. my question is, how did this happen, this shift? It's really like magic you guys.