crybaby go change yout own diapers

Old 12-23-2009, 08:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
crybaby go change yout own diapers

AH finally had a meltdown tonight. I stopped him from bullying me and he behaved just like he used to. Difference? Me. I don't care. I don't care if he's storming around, don't care when he throws crap at me like "I think you're not capable of focusing and are all caught up in emotion," even though that's what he's doing. Oh yeah, that one used to drive me crazy!

Nope. Finished editing a piece. Sent it away. Did the dishes. Hung out with the kids while he drank in the kitchen, trying to hide it in his coffee travel mug. Really loved my kids, whereas in the past I would have ignored them to obsess about him. Change his diapers.

I just don't care. I don't give a flying ****. He will stay tonight and tomorrow, then be back at his house Friday night. When I examine my true feelings, I am a bit surprised that I'm not getting hooked back into his drama. I just don't freaking care. Nothing I ever did mattered anyway--and I worked by butt off to help, change, love, understand and accomodate him.

Not my problem anymore folks. This will be the happiest Christmas ever! I'm free at least!!!

Love love love to all of you still suffering.

Last edited by transformyself; 12-23-2009 at 08:43 PM. Reason: AHHH! Can't edit typo in title. What will become of me???
transformyself is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 09:29 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
KeepPedaling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Transform - how are you able to deflect it? Are you going to leave him?

I'm sorry he's being a big cry baby. It can't be fun to be around. Sounds like you're handling it well.

One more day til Christmas.
KeepPedaling is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 05:04 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Pedaling-
Sorry I didn't fully dislclose our situation.

I did leave him, he has been staying here until his place is ready this weekend. It's been fine, but times up!

I deflect it by detachment. And its' ever clearer to me now that I do not want him.

I was thinking when I went to sleep last night how bizarre it is that I have been able to shift gears from being so desperate, so entangled in his drama to... this.

Seriously. I read the horror stories of other women/folks here and that was me not too long ago. I felt I couldn't get out of that entanglement. I was so emotional all the time. I was physically sick.

Our "conversations" about our relationship were like contortionist acts. His "beliefs" about me, about my "lifestyle" his subtle insinuations about me drove me insane! I spent all day and night trying to figure out what he meant, or trying to convince him that I'm not that kind of person.

Can you imagine that?

Last night, he did the same thing. We were having a meeting, doling out tasks for christmas eve. I have to (unbelievably) go back to our foreclosed house and get the last of my things today (in about 10 minutes) and when he asked me to get his wieght bench and giagantic fishtank, I told him I was afraid it would throw out my back again.

That's when he became hostile, telling me just to get my belongings and he'll get his.

I told him it was just another illustration of how he's treated me our entire marriage. When I'm sick or need something he gets all hostile.

When I was pregnant with our last son I had pnumonia and would cry because I was so sick and he just raged at me. For 14 years.

Then he accused me of not being able to focus on the task at hand because I was too emotional.

What a joke, See what I mean by contortionist. I have no desire to engage with him. I stopped talking to him and got back to my life. That is the way I deal with his madness now, instead of obsessing, wondering waht is wrong with me or him or both of us and torturing myself. I just want him to go away.

That snapped me out of it, all though I am glad we had that conversation. He has not and will not ever change. I don't want a man who treats me this way. I've known this for awhile and am thrilled he'll be leaving Christmas day. Thrilled. I can even garuntee you that he'll send an apology text or email to me today. Why? Because its' the predictable pattern. So predictable.

Now. my question is, how did this happen, this shift? It's really like magic you guys.
transformyself is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 05:11 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Done! Here is the apology text! Amazing. I am the great Alcoholic Predictor! Watch me elude disaster and predict where, how and when the next one will strike!

(Places fingertips on temples)
I predict....that tonight at approximatly 8pm....my AH will become enraged about (insert excuse here) and "have" to start drinking......

I predict.....that tonight I will prepare all of the childrens gifts and christmas necessities.....while AH drinks and complains and rants to himself about......stuff....

THE GREAT TRANSFORM HAS SPOKEN!!
transformyself is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 05:16 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
nodaybut2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by KeepPedaling View Post
Transform - how are you able to deflect it?
There`s a saying in French that seems particularly relevant in this situation:

"La pluie de tes insultes n'atteint pas le parapluie de mon indifférence"

(The storm of your insults does not penetrate the umbrella of my indifference).

Good for you Transform and Merry Christmas!
nodaybut2day is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 05:18 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Girl you speak French? I'm glad you changed your name, because I don't speak another language (except smatterings of Dakota) and I'm no idiot!

Thanks for the umbrella!
transformyself is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 05:39 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
thanks for the laugh, oh great transform.

knowledge is the magic that breaks the spell. thank goodness for SR.

great alcoholic predictor, naive, (places fingers to temple):

i foresee desperate, sick xABF attempting contact on christmas day. he will be sad at the loss of our relationship and missing his children, who his last partner had to flee with to another country because he beat her.

i foresee that he will loose his flat within the next month, from not paying the rent like i always did.

i foresee that he will not have dealt with his decaying teeth and will soon have a medical emergency.

i foresee that in his desperateness, he will get into my car (now with no insurance or tax) that he stole from me, and flee to somewhere to escape his reality.

i foresee he will be back in this town within weeks after that, the car abandoned somewhere.

i foresee that he will continue, somehow, to blame me for all these things.

i foresee that i won't take him in when he is homeless.

i foresee that he will get a new lover who will also be a drinker, so he can then live at her house.

i foresee that won't last long.

and on and on it goes.
naive is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 07:12 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissFixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hugs Babe

What you did mattered to you. You could never have changed him. That has been such a profound realization for me. It helps when I feel down.
MissFixit is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 07:42 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carol Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
My XAH will try to hook me to feel bad for him which by the grace of God does not work anymore. I now recognize the hooks. He used to use sex,guilt, telling me he was out of tp or petfood.......he was hurt...he's snowed in and can't get to the store on his scooter (no liscence).. HOOKS. ..........don't work anymore. God will take care of him......and ME!
Carol Star is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 08:15 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
nodaybut2day's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
Girl you speak French? I'm glad you changed your name, because I don't speak another language (except smatterings of Dakota) and I'm no idiot!

Thanks for the umbrella!
Hehe...yep, French is my first language, English my second.

Hope the umbrella I gave you is one of those ridiculously large golf umbrellas
nodaybut2day is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:38 PM.