I understand.
I have been dealing with addicted people for 23 years now. My ex husband is and alcoholic. I begged, pleaded, cried, lectured to no avail. I stuck with him because of my strong belief in the institution of marriage. I finally left him when he pushed my daughter down and also I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, (sleeping and crying all the time.)
Then, when I pulled my 15 year old daughter away and left him, she became a drug addict and have been dealing with her for 5 years as she is now 20. I have thrown her out many times and then in turn let her back in. I just threw her out again as of yesterday and I can't let her back in as my apartment manager doesn't want her back. (My belief is: God stepped in where I was weak).
I know you love your wife, but listen to me, you have absolutely no power to help her in any way. Read one of the threads entitled, "What addicts do." I have it on my refrigerator and read it every 5 minutes, because it is the absolute truth. One of the best things I have ever read.
It's heartbreaking and you never dreamed you would be in this situation, I know. Sometimes I feel as though I have wasted so many years of my life on other people, but the one thing that keeps me going as I know how strong I am to put up with this, if that makes any sense.
But, somewhere in your life, it is your turn. I have remet a wonderful man who I knew in high school and we are in love. (My daughter has tried to ruin that too.) It's my turn.
Christmas will be hard as hell without my daughter, but I am trying to remember: she would ruin it any way.
Read: "What addicts do."
Hugs to you and try to have a Merry Christmas.