Hi Mab
I'd recommend seeing a Dr if you are worried about your Benadryl addiction and your health.
I think a counsellor could help too with the other stuff - I'm in Australia, but the Salvation Army may run counselling services in your area.
Something like hopeline is always available too:
Hopeline-dot-com has free 1-800 line that will connect any caller in the US who needs help to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The number is:
1- 800-784-2433
and of course there's always people around here
welcome to SR
D