Thank you so much for responding Dee. I have been here for three years now. The most time I have ever gotten was about 40 days. Everytime I get the courage to post on this board you respond with hope. I want you to know I appreciate that very much.
I know my son's excuse is BS. It is hard to justify when I know that I am such a drunk. If I can stay sober and get clear headed, I can do something. Right now my brain is so fuzzy, I went to the bank today and jumped into another person's car that looked like my own. I was shaking and upset with what the bank told me. My account was overdrawn by about $400. My youngest son who is doing well and in college, his and my account was overdrawn by about $200.00.
The man in the car was kind when I jumped in and realized my mistake. It just shows me how after 4 days sober what a real mess that I am.
I know that if I hold on, it will get better in time. Right now it does not feel like it at all. It feels like hell on earth. I need to remember this time, right before the holidays with almost not a cent to my name. Complete demoralization, that's what I have. I'll stay here all night if I have to. Hell I've been here quietly for the last couple of nights because I can't sleep at all.
However, I believe you and others that say it gets better. I have seen it. I have experienced it. I think if I were to go through seizures or something else, I would have done so by now. It's just holding on until I can stop crying and shaking and start living again.