Old 12-21-2009, 11:24 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Forever4you
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by MrsMagoo View Post
Hi. I hope mine is a happy ending. After six months of my AH being a homeless alcoholic crack addict, he is living 6 hours aways in a homeless veterans transitional housing campus. He is doing well, going to enroll is school and get a job. Basically get his life together and learn how to take care of himself and ultimately us again. He will be there a long time and we will not reside under the same roof until he has at least one solid year of sobriety - maybe more. We have agreed to work on our marriage but from opposite ends of the state. He has to work his program and I have to work mine. Eventually we will do counseling together but in the meantime, he is seeing a psychologist and I'm seeing a counselor.

That's the best we can do right now. We want our marriage to work but the addiction keeps getting in the way of that happening. We have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old who has only seen her daddy good for about 4 months and that breaks my heart.

It does not sound to me like your boyfriend is taking advantage of the resources he has available to him since he continues to drink. An alcoholic can only cut back for so long. Mine would do that. He would quit. Drink a beer 4 months later, drink 2 beers and two airplane bottles 2 weeks after that and soon it was right back to a 12 pack and a fifth until I put my foot down.

Getting in a program will help you understand and maintain your identity. It's not pretty and it's not fun to be with any kind of addict. Going to meetings has to be a lifetime commitment. It sounds like your young and have alot going for you. Are you willing to commit to that? It's alot like loosing weight. It's one thing to get the weight off, it's another to keep it off. It's a lifestyle change.

I really appreciate this post Mrs. Magoo. I am in a similar situation to yours accept that we are divorced. He is living in a trasitional living house and working very hard at his program. I am working very hard at mine. Both of us are hoping for a happy ending whether that be that we can get back together someday or that we can both move on to find healthy happy relationships.

But what you said about a "lifestyle change" really hit home for him. I know that is what it would take for us to ever be able to grow as a couple together. And I think you are right. Without a making a permanant lifestyle change the chances of a recovered relationship are slim.
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