keithj

Does it? Help, I mean. It might make you feel better, but does it really help you recover from alcoholism?

I just read through the now closed thread about telling the truth versus giving a message of hope. A lot of strong emotions there.

My experience is this: Before I got serious about no drinking, I tried all the moderation games of only so many per night, only start after a certain time, only on weekends, beer only, etc. We could increase the list ad infinitum. I always went back to right where I was.

Then I got real serious, or so I thought. I tried to stop drinking through willpower. On a handful of occasions spanning a few years, I lasted anywhere from a day to almost 2months without drinking. Then I was back to it even worse than before.

Then I got desperate. I went to my doctor and tried anti-depressants. My drinking got worse after a short time. I started counseling with a therapist (self-knowledge galore) and couldn't stay sober. I enrolled in IOP and relapsed after a month or so. I went to inpatient rehab.

There, and getting back to Dedubya's post, I was in many groups where I was well understood. I put forth my opinions and listened to theirs. I told of my experience. It felt really good. When I got out, I started going to AA. Again, there I told of my experience and my opinions and listened to others.

Slowly, over the next several months, I got sicker and sicker in my thoughts and feelings. I was surrounded by people who really understood the problem I had. I felt comfortable there.

But I was not surrounded by people who had experience with a solution. A bunch of gathered together all hanging on to stay sober and sharing our opinions did nothing to treat my alcoholism. But it felt sooo good. THere was sincere care and concern, and dare I say, love, in those rooms.

My experience is that I did not stay sober with that environment. When I found a sponsor who told me the truth, and got me into the BB as a solution, I saw that everything I was doing had already been tried by countless others. And I saw the actions required for me to recover like those people did.

When I took those actions, instead of sharing my ideas and opinions and experience with a bunch of like-minded folks, I recovered just like it's described. Taking those actions did not always feel good and was certainly not always comfortable. But I was living a hopeless and futile life, and I couldn't go on any longer.

My experience lines up almost perfectly with the Big Book. I'm a pretty, run of the mill, textbook alcoholic. And when I took the actions that other textbook alkies took to recover, I recovered. When I did what I thought I should do, or what felt good to me, I couldn't stay sober.

That's my experience. So when it comes down to telling the truth of that experience, versus patting someone on the butt and saying they're doing great, I choose the truth. I tell everyone I sponsor that same thing. There are going to be times when I need to tell you the truth, and I know you might not want to hear it. You might get resentful or angry with me. But I care about you enough to help you discover your own truth, so you might recover. I care about you more than I care about you liking me.

That's sort of how I approach SR as well.