Originally Posted by
Bucyn 
- You want custody? Talk to a lawyer.
- Save up lots of money for legal fees and day care.
- Work overtime.
- Have basic baby supplies on hand and daycare or family leave arranged.
- Find out how to get an immediate paternity test (you can't do anything without it).
- Talk to La Leche League if she is planning on breastfeeding so you can continue it on your visitation.
- Take parenting classes (this will impress a judge).
- Learn about fetal alcohol syndrome or the effects of other drugs on babies and newborns.
- Get prepared.
- The day after the baby is born, be ready to go before a judge and lay out your case for custody.
- stop harassing her about drinking,
- And cut way back on contact with her. Maybe a weekly call, "I'm about to go to the grocery store, need anything? to the pharmacy, need anything?"
YES! This is fantastic. Bucyn gave you an awesome grocery list of things to do to prepare for the arrival of your child Ives. I bulleted the list to make it easier to look at.
Essentially, the strategy seems to be to prepare yourself to be a great dad, no matter what the mother does.
If you need information about pregnancy, birth (in ALL its details), and breastfeeding, PM me. I spent a great deal of time researching and amassing resources for myself to prepare for my daughter's arrival. I'd be glad to share them with you. I'll add to Bucyn's list the following items:
- Research the benefits of attachment parenting (and delayed cord cutting), babywearing and cosleeping...they are immense.
- If you're interested, look into cloth diapering and EC (elimination communication).
- Consider what you want to do about vaccination (some parents have begun delaying vaccinations for various health reasons)
- Talk to a doula to discuss pregnancy, birth and beyond.
- If your XAGF isn't planning on breastfeeding or if she's unable, contact your local Milkshare to see about obtaining donated breastmilk...it's really the best you can do nutrition wise for your child.
- If your XAGF is interested in natural birthing, there are TONS of classes out there you can attend with her (Hypnobirthing is become very popular).
- Also, see in what direction your XAGF is leaning with regards to childbirth and childrearing...try to support her choices.
Bucyn's strategy helps you turn the focus AWAY from your XAGF and back towards yourself and your unborn child. You'd be doing what a lot of us here at SR have struggled with: parenting with an active alcoholic who may or may not cooperate.
I wish you good luck!