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Old 12-19-2009, 01:34 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
JenT1968
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
I hid the books, I've got lots of them, I was afraid of his anger and disapproval. Partly because of his toxic anger and partly because of my conflict aversion and need to please. Later when he knew the books existed I hid that I had picked them up and read them lately. He often took me reading them as me attacking him/his drinking.

One thing I will say, after I started reading the books, he started talking about how I was trying to "control" him. He had never applied that phrase to me before, and actually applied it to situations where I was trying to control me and my environment not him. It was a great new angle to hang on someone with co-dependent behaviours, who is starting out trying to change, and can get easily confused still. I don't know about your relationship dynamics, but it's something to think about, and about whether he is someone with whom it is safe to share a routemap of your fears and insecurities and behavioural "weaknesses".
You'll know best.
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