To SheCanRun: May I suggest leaving a copy of "Under the Influence" in the bathroom most frequented by the Alcoholic. I did.
I am a recovering alcoholic as well as a recovering codependent. My AXH did read my copy of "Under the Influence", but he never read any of my self-help books like "Codependent No More".
There is a link in our sticky posts at the top of this forum and it contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence". This is a valuable tool for alcoholics and their partners in learning how the body and mind become addicted to alcohol.
Elsie, I apologize for hi-jacking your thread.
I'm not sure I've heard the recommendation to not make changes in your relationship for one year if you are codependent. If you are in an abusive, violent, or hateful relationship; one more day may be too long. Codies (affectionate term for codependents) are accustomed to doing everything to please others. Recovery for codies involves learning to please ourselves.
I like to use this analogy. When you take an airplane trip somewhere, you are given a pre-flight safety speech from the flight attendants. Part of the speech concerns the oxygen masks. In the event of an actual emergency, you are to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.
In recovery, I have learned that I can't help others if I haven't taken care of myself first.
Keep your focus on your recovery and let the A in your life handle their own life (consequences, reactions, feelings, etc).