Hello and welcome to the group. You may want to start a new thread on the main page with your story. There are many great people here that will want to welcome you and who understand your pain.
Are you in Al Alanon? I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I too have had to turn my back on my now XAH hoping somehow him hitting bottom will make him have an aha moment and fight to live. I have had to turn him over to God. Please know you are not alone in your struggle.