i guess my hunch runs along the lines of what breakingfree said. almost 0 to 60 in 10 seconds - sounds pretty darn sudden, that part doesn't quite make sense to me. i suspect she has been using more than just now and then all along, but hiding it from you. but, even though you're dying to find out, and try and make sense of everything, unless you give her truth serum, you probably simply cannot. what truly matters is that you work on healthily moving on, learning your own life lessons.