Christmas Keeping
Two holidays ago, I was in the same place as you are, right now. I had effected yet another transfer to out of state rehab. This was #3, in a matter of about 12 days. The entire front of my body was scraped and bruised and some teeth chipped, having taken a nasty fall going up a down escalator at LAX, chasing her.
She continued to call daily to scream and theaten me with death and her own suicide if I did not come and get her out. I was at the end of my rope and stopped taking her calls.
I have long been " that house" in the neighborhood that was decorated and orchastrated. My favorite music is holiday music. I loved everything about the holiday. And yet, here I was on the brink of insanity due to my own reaction to my daughter's addiction. That year, I let Christmas go.
The pause gave me the opportunity to reflect on the holiday. What most of us consider Christmas is our collective reaction to marketing, designed to compel us to consume, often times money we do not have, to be happy. While the economies of many nations are dependent upon our holiday spending, most people in the world do not celebrate Christmas.
We care about those less fortunate during the holidays....but what about the other 350 days a year? Our churches and 501c-3 organizations go into full swing, during the holidays, because tis the season of giving and the last opportunity for a tax deduction, to do so.
Much has changed in 2 years and some things, not. I have restored some of my own traditions, in moderation. I prefer to think of this time of year with graditude for my own blessings as opposed to what should/could have been ...else I risk the same magical thinking being used by addicts, everywhere. My sanity depends on coping with life as is/where is and moving forward, from there.