Holiday quandry--AD

Old 12-15-2009, 06:39 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: pgh pa
Posts: 16
Holiday quandry--AD

Hello I've been lurking here for a bit & am at a bit of a quandry as to the upcoming holidays as I am sure many are . My ALO is my 25 year old AD whom just ( round 3 in 6 months) was released from detox & has been involved in an OP program since Oct.& did do inpatient as well. Somehow she managed to attend this daily all the while using not herion but OC this time. How she passed drug tests is beyond me . My sense of feeling betrayed is immense as is my anger of again here we go. As of 2 weeks ago her dad has 100% cut her out of his life. We are separated.

I have no desire in any way shape nor form to celebrate the holidays-not 1 decoration up-not any thoughts of baking-nothing. I do have an older son still at home & feel due to her I am punishing him as well which is not my intent. I just could not care less. I have bought some things yet in the back of my mind I am tempted to return it all ( AD's) . I 've decided to leave here Christmas Day & head to my sisters to escape my home which was always in the past the place all holiday functions were held. As a Mother I feel guilt for my bailing. I wonder where she will spend the day as well as will my actions trigger a relapse--can we say co dependent? Sad I know. I am well aware of the 3 C's -didn't cause-cannot control nor can cure.

I wonder if anyone has any insight they may give me...2009 has been a year of every single holiday involved drug drama & I am past done being dragged into a life I did not sign up for. I resent my life has been toppled by this --I am so angry with this nightmare. I daily ask God to help me 'Let go'.. actually I beg. I have no hope left after this latest betrayl of admittance of relapse.

Thank you to all that took the time to read my post. As my screen name says I'm tired......
I'm tired is offline  
Old 12-15-2009, 07:53 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Christmas Keeping

Two holidays ago, I was in the same place as you are, right now. I had effected yet another transfer to out of state rehab. This was #3, in a matter of about 12 days. The entire front of my body was scraped and bruised and some teeth chipped, having taken a nasty fall going up a down escalator at LAX, chasing her.

She continued to call daily to scream and theaten me with death and her own suicide if I did not come and get her out. I was at the end of my rope and stopped taking her calls.

I have long been " that house" in the neighborhood that was decorated and orchastrated. My favorite music is holiday music. I loved everything about the holiday. And yet, here I was on the brink of insanity due to my own reaction to my daughter's addiction. That year, I let Christmas go.

The pause gave me the opportunity to reflect on the holiday. What most of us consider Christmas is our collective reaction to marketing, designed to compel us to consume, often times money we do not have, to be happy. While the economies of many nations are dependent upon our holiday spending, most people in the world do not celebrate Christmas.

We care about those less fortunate during the holidays....but what about the other 350 days a year? Our churches and 501c-3 organizations go into full swing, during the holidays, because tis the season of giving and the last opportunity for a tax deduction, to do so.

Much has changed in 2 years and some things, not. I have restored some of my own traditions, in moderation. I prefer to think of this time of year with graditude for my own blessings as opposed to what should/could have been ...else I risk the same magical thinking being used by addicts, everywhere. My sanity depends on coping with life as is/where is and moving forward, from there.
outtolunch is offline  
Old 12-15-2009, 08:01 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hurtbad2505's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southwestern, Pennsylvania
Posts: 210
Boy do I know how you feel ;( It was all I could do to put up the tree this year, but I did. I haven't been able to bring myself to buy my AS anything yet either, I know I will though..just basics that can't be sold for drugs if he goes off on another bender. I also ask God every single morning to help me to 'let go' and stay out of his way...beginning to accept that my way isn't the way of my AS's HP too.

I also repeat the Serenity Prayer several times a day when I feel myself falling into the trap of dispair, I also pull on support I've gotten here where I've learned that I do deserve happiness in my life, and the only way that is going to happen for me is to remind myself that I am not my AS...I too only have so much time here in this life and I'm going to make the best of it dang it!

I think it's a great idea for you to go to your sisters for Christmas...it does us mom's a world of good to spend time around the normal people in our lives, helps to remind us that life doesn't have to be full of the 'drug drama', we have choices too..

You didn't cause this, you can't cure it, and you can't control it....true true words...
Hurtbad2505 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:42 PM.