Holiday quandry--AD
Hello I've been lurking here for a bit & am at a bit of a quandry as to the upcoming holidays as I am sure many are . My ALO is my 25 year old AD whom just ( round 3 in 6 months) was released from detox & has been involved in an OP program since Oct.& did do inpatient as well. Somehow she managed to attend this daily all the while using not herion but OC this time. How she passed drug tests is beyond me . My sense of feeling betrayed is immense as is my anger of again here we go. As of 2 weeks ago her dad has 100% cut her out of his life. We are separated.
I have no desire in any way shape nor form to celebrate the holidays-not 1 decoration up-not any thoughts of baking-nothing. I do have an older son still at home & feel due to her I am punishing him as well which is not my intent. I just could not care less. I have bought some things yet in the back of my mind I am tempted to return it all ( AD's) . I 've decided to leave here Christmas Day & head to my sisters to escape my home which was always in the past the place all holiday functions were held. As a Mother I feel guilt for my bailing. I wonder where she will spend the day as well as will my actions trigger a relapse--can we say co dependent? Sad I know. I am well aware of the 3 C's -didn't cause-cannot control nor can cure.
I wonder if anyone has any insight they may give me...2009 has been a year of every single holiday involved drug drama & I am past done being dragged into a life I did not sign up for. I resent my life has been toppled by this --I am so angry with this nightmare. I daily ask God to help me 'Let go'.. actually I beg. I have no hope left after this latest betrayl of admittance of relapse.
Thank you to all that took the time to read my post. As my screen name says I'm tired......