Dream2bClean

Hello all,

This is my I dont know how mant # times being back at SR! I was just doing what I normally do when I return and that is read all of my previous posts EVERY ONE, and all of my PM's to and from other members and OH MY GOODNESS, I have come a long way, no smiles yet dear sober members, my disease and addiction to drugs and alcohol coup[led with a back surgery, and tripled with having a baby and , quadrupled by my husbands continued using, and whatedver comes aftger that, sexrupled(?) thanks octomomo.... by the fact that what I was doing as far as drugs and alcohol combined was bad enough before to land me here at SR as well as one time when I check myself into rehab, which turned out becasue of my good insurance and it being 3 AM when I tried to check in it was so late and I didnt know how much scripty meds and alcohol I had drank they told me to "go around the hosp, for a quick drug test so they could tell them what I had taken" I was so messed up at tthe time i said great...had my husbamnd take me around the corner to the hops said I was send over by ________ psych. Hosp In atlanta and needd a drug test so i could check in. I was soon strapped to the bed and put on a 51-50 hold anfd left cryting andd screraming as the professional woman I was at the time that I just neeed a drug test. i now see the hosp could not "check me in just due to my request and have me OD on their watch. I knew what was going on kept crying my yes out and sent my husband home told him I would call him as soon as the hosp to pick me up as it was all a misunderstanding (I was sobering up now obviously) after crying and scrfeaming in the ER with tupes and IVs coming out of everywhere and I am sure driving the nurses crazy 9one even told me I was and to SHUT UP (but I deserved it) saying things like "sont the know how much money I makle" "dont they know who I am" YES they knew exactly who I as a drug addict that was trying to confidientially check herself into a drug rehab at 3 am but I am not a movie star so i just cant do that. I was just told that there were no "ambulkances" available to drive me back around the corner to the hospital so I could check myself in...by day time I was picked up by a very nice police officer who I thought was going to let me call my husband to come pick me up, take me home, and let me get to work by that afternoon n/cc I had a lot of catching up to do.
The cop told me that was not the case I was being help on a temp pshyc hold and despite the fact that it smelled as if he (the cop) had been farting it up all night in his cruiser the entire time in the parking lot of the hospital the night before making sure I wouldnt attent to rip out the IV's (again) and run. He then very nicely asked me if I beleived in god?
This will have to be part 1 of 2 the neighbor just came over and asked me if I could watch her son as an emergency so of curse i will but I need to fill you alkl in I cant wait to see if anyone at SR remembers me but I also am embarassed and ashamed to tell you all what road I have gone down now and the destruction I have done to my life....its not good....but I am back...pla to do my best...I WANT MY LIFE BACK... and I hope to be here to give and get all the support in the world possible as I have been down this road before but this HAS TO BE THE LAST TINE...with the line I crosse dand what I an doind i am jeopardizing my lie and the life of my 3 year old as well....I will be stryong and I hope I am welcomed back with open arms but knowing SR I will be and Lord knows I need you guys.
PLEASE PLEASE support me and I will for you as well as that is what I thrive upon in life in general.
Sorry watch this boy, I am used to mellow girls, wirll wirte part 2 later. <3 want