Originally Posted by
eternallife 
I now know that I am a binge drinker,
I have an opportunity to stop there, and remain sociable. Instead, I begin trying to quench an insatiable thirst that no amount of beers and shots will ever satisfy. I simply can't stop. That said, as soon as I'm drunk, I'm relaxed, social, and laid back... until I'm not. I reach a point when I completely drop my filter, and start saying things I wouldn't normally say. Singing songs I wouldn't normally sing.
I want so desperately to change my life.
I want to change - but change is a lonely road when no one else seems to understand, or believe that I actually need to change.
Hey, I could have written this myself 9 months ago. I have picked out what I consider to be the key passages from your post.
I now know that I'm a binge drinker? Well that much was glaringly obvious to me!! What I actually was is an
alcoholic. Once I admitted 100% to my deepest, innermost core I could work on what you say you want "I want so desperately to change my life" - I desparately wanted this too and I realised that the only way in which I would ever be able to do this is to surrender to my alcoholism by admitting I am powerless over it and my life is totally unmanageable for as long as alcohol is involved in it. Thus 1 drink is too many and 100000 is not enough!! I must never take that first drink and I am OK. I am learning that i cannot do this without working a programme of recovery. It was interesting reading my last post on this thread as since then I have gotten much deeper into AA as I realised I had to do this or simply put, I would drink again and I really don't want that as I couldn't take what drinking was doing to me anymore. I was done with it.
There are many, many people who understand ie- other alcoholics/addicts. These can be found in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and on SR. meetings are free and are very welcoming. Also SR is a great resource too.
All the best