Slayer...I will second what Dee said...go see your doctor and get a check up...it will go a long way at putting your mind at ease. As far as finding enjoyment in life that is entirely up to you. Firstly it will take some time...we didn't get to where we are overnight so logic tells us that coming full circle will require time and patience. Please do not fall prey to the message that Boleo is selling. It is entirely untrue and simply his opinion....it might be true that in his sobriety he is not capable of enjoying the things he once did but that is not the norm nor is it a fact. The black and white thinking regarding the "isms" of alcoholism is merely an opinion which has been debunked time and time again here at SR. Life with all its brilliant colors will reveal itself to you again. Continue to move forward with purpose and you will see.