Slayer

I don't know where to start.

I guess my first question is how did you detox? I recently got a hold of some GHB and while it did stop the withdrawals I managed to abuse it just like alcohol. I guess its pretty clear I am going to abuse any substance that I can get a hold of. I have quit cold turkey in the past, but the withdrawals are getting incredibly intense. Its to the point where the hallucinations, insomnia, anxiety, delusions, and general psychological hell drives me to drink just to stop the insanity. I don't think I can "suck it up" and make it through that first week or two of hell.

I managed to quit drinking for the past week or so and I have had I guess a moment of clarity. I saw reality a bit clearer and I saw that it was my choice to be hopeless. I do realize to make the change back to sobriety is going to be very difficult.

In the past I have ran into all the same problems as everyone else who has tried to quit. Everything seems "boring" and I can't find enjoyment in anything. I miss my old friend alcohol etc etc etc. The thing that bugs me is before I drank alcohol I had several passions that kept me occupied. Since they were passions and huge interests I didn't have to "try" to pursue them. Now that I am an active alcoholic I can't seem to find that thing that captures my interest to make me want to pursue it. When I sober up will I eventually get back to the point where I can find things of interest rather than drugs/alcohol?

Also one serious question I have is have I done permanent brain/liver damage? I am 22 years old and I started drinking when I was 18. It got heavy at 19. Since about age 20 I have drank 20-30 units of alcohol a day on average. If I sober up will I go back to "normal".